http://www.dukefightmaster.com/
Hillary Clinton has vowed to fight Barack Obama through the convention, even though she's essentially mathematically eliminated from the race. Former president Bill Clinton has commented "see America, this is what I've been trying to tell you, this bitch never gives up. Don't vote for her. Trust me. I've been with her for 30 years, you don't want her for 4" (This would be really cool if you can do a Bill Clinton impression"
Joke 2:
Wendy, the spokesperson for Snapple and the company have parted ways. Wendy will no longer be performing commercial voice-overs or personal appearances for the company. In related news, Wendy, the spokesperson for Snapple is still alive.
Joke 3:
Oil is up over $130 a barrel for the first time in history on news that the barrels are now more expensive to produce.
Joke 4:
In an airline first, American Airlines will charge $15 to check the first bag of luggage. They've also unveiled their new corporate slogan "American Airlines, wouldn't you really rather walk?"
Joke 5:
Duke: McDonald's is finally changing the formulation of their fry oil, removing all trans fats. The company says the new trans-fat free oil will be available by the end of the year
Lesley: That's a weird coincidence.
Duke: How so?
Lesley: Your life insurance premium is due in December. If we work this right, I won't have to pay it again. Duke, you should go get some McDonald's fries after the show, and twice a day every day after that.
Joke 6:
Scarlett Johansson has released her debut CD this week, and it's being savaged by critics. The number one complaint, you can't see her sweet, sweet breasts.
Joke 7:
Duke: It has been speculated that Ted Kennedy's brain tumor may have been caused by the herpes virus
Chipper: Uh, oh
Duke: Chipper, what's wrong
Chipper: I need to get to a doctor pronto! I'm am not going out like this.65 Year-Old Harrison Ford is reprising his action hero role of Indiana Jones. In the film he goes looking for his lost libido so he can have sex with his 65 lbs girlfriend. (3 Element Joke: Indian Jones = explorer, Harrison Ford = Old, Calista Flockhart = anorexic. Don't try this at home)
In the Film he goes looking for his lost reading glasses
When asked if he is too old to play the role of a dashing, action hero, Ford said, "Cold? I'm not Cold"
In the latest installment Ford's character is aided by Henry "Mutt" Williams played by Shia LaBeouf. The name "Shia" is Yiddish meaning, "Even More feminine than Leonardo DiCaprio"
Ford worked out 3 hours a day to prepare for the role. Sure it consisted of long walks with his cane, but it was still a workout.
Ford felt his Indiana reprisal would also help American culture be less "paranoid" about aging. Uhhh No. Now seeing him get an erection for his anorexic girlfriend would make me less paranoid about aging.
McDonalds says that it is removing trans fat oils from its fries. Aren't all of McDonald's Products bad for you? I'm not saying this is a case of too little too late, but isn't this the equivalent of the Crips and Bloods agreeing to stop using Switch Blades.
Ellen Degeneres says she plans to marry her partner Portia DiRossi. I am so glad to hear this...especially if there's a chance the Honeymoon ends up on You Tube.
Duke: Research shows that if a friend or loved one quits smoking, there is a much higher probability that YOU will quit smokeing
Lesley: Does that also mean I too am going to quit my job?
Duke: No, I think it means that I too am going to give up having sex with Duke...
Duke: Honey, there is an article on Women's journal that says, 'Women can get their best ass ever in 8 weeks." What do you think?
Lesley: No thanks, I'll stick with the ass I married.
After the catastrophic earthquake, A Chinese Police Officer is being hailed as a hero after she breast fed 7 children who were separated from their mothers or orphaned. That is impressive...sure the children were all teenagers, but still impressive. The officer refused to comment saying she just wanted to smoke a cigarette and cuddle.
American Airlines announced it is to begin charging $15 to check a bag on its flights. Obviously, this directly attributable to the SOARING price of conveyer belts...
#29a1 Indiana Jones is old and American airlines charges $15
http://www.dukefightmaster.com/
Hillary Clinton has vowed to fight Barack Obama through the convention, even though she's essentially mathematically eliminated from the race. Former president Bill Clinton has commented "see America, this is what I've been trying to tell you, this bitch...
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