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"The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. The Project Gutenberg EBook of Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by Hilaire Belloc This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net Title: Bad Child’s Book of Beasts Author: Hilaire Belloc Illustrator: Ian Basil Gawaine Temple, Lord. Blackwood Release Date: November 6, 2008 [EBook #27175] Language: English Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BAD CHILD’S BOOK OF BEASTS *** Produced by Chris Curnow, Joseph Cooper, some images courtesy of The Internet Archive and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net -1- The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. THE BAD CHILD’S BOOK OF BEASTS -2- The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. Verses by H. BELLOC Pictures by B. T. B. DUCKWORTH, 3 Henrietta Street, Covent Garden Child! do not throw this book about; Refrain from the unholy pleasure Of cutting all the pictures out! Preserve it as your chiefest treasure. Child, have you never heard it said That you are heir to all the ages? Why, then, your hands were never made To tear these beautiful thick pages! Your little hands were made to take The better things and leave the worse ones. They also may be used to shake The Massive Paws of Elder Persons. And when your prayers complete the day, Darling, your little tiny hands Were also made, I think, to pray For men that lose their fairylands. Made and Printed in Great Britain by The Camelot Press Limited, London and Southampton DEDICATION To Master EVELYN BELL Of Oxford Evelyn Bell, I love you well. [157] -3- The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. INTRODUCTION I call you bad, my little child, Upon the title page, Because a manner rude and wild Is common at your age. The Moral of this priceless work (If rightly understood) Will make you—from a little Turk— [158]Unnaturally good. Do not as evil children do, Who on the slightest grounds Will imitate -4- The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. the Kangaroo, With wild unmeaning bounds: [159] Do not as children badly bred, Who eat like little Hogs, And when they have to go to bed Will whine like Puppy Dogs: Who take their manners from the Ape, Their habits from the Bear, Indulge the loud unseemly jape, [160]And never brush their hair. But so control your actions that Your friends may all repeat. -5- The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. ’This child is dainty as the Cat, And as the Owl discreet.’ [161] The Yak As a friend to the children commend me the Yak. [162]You will find it exactly the thing: It will carry and fetch, you can ride on its back, [163] Or lead it about -6- The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. with a string. [164] The Tartar who dwells on the plains of Thibet (A desolate region of snow) Has for centuries made it a nursery pet, And surely the Tartar should know! [165] Then tell your papa where the Yak can be got, -7- The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. And if he is awfully rich [166]He will buy you the creature— or else he will not. (I cannot be positive which.) [167] The Polar Bear The Polar Bear is unaware -8- The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. Of cold that cuts me through: For why? He has a coat of hair. I wish I had one too! [168] The Lion The Lion, the Lion, he dwells in the waste, He has a big head and a very small waist; But his shoulders are stark, and his jaws they are grim, And a good little child will not play with him. [169] -9- The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. The Tiger The Tiger on the other hand, is kittenish and mild, He makes a pretty playfellow for any little child; And mothers of large families (who claim to common sense) Will find a Tiger well repay the trouble and expense. [170] The Dromedary The Dromedary is a cheerful bird: - 10 - The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. I cannot say the same about the Kurd. [171] The Whale [172]The Whale that wanders round the Pole Is not - 11 - The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. a table fish. You cannot bake or boil him whole Nor serve him in a dish; [173] But you may cut his blubber up [174]And melt it down for oil. And so replace - 12 - The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. the colza bean (A product of the soil). [175] These facts should all be noted down And ruminated on, By every boy in Oxford town Who wants to be a Don. [176] - 13 - The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. The Camel "The Ship of the Desert." [177] The Hippopotamus I shoot the Hippopotamus [178]with bullets made of platinum, Because if I use leaden ones - 14 - The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. his hide is sure to flatten ’em. [179] The Dodo - 15 - The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. [180]The Dodo used to walk around, And take the sun and air. The sun yet warms his native ground— [181] The Dodo is not there! - 16 - The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. The voice which used to squawk and squeak Is now for ever dumb— [182] Yet may you see his bones and beak All in the Mu-se-um. [183] The Marmozet The species Man and Marmozet Are intimately linked; The Marmozet survives as yet, But Men are all extinct. - 17 - The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. [184] The Camelopard The Camelopard, it is said [185]By travellers (who never lie), He cannot stretch out straight in bed Because he is so high. The clouds surround his lofty head, His hornlets touch the sky. - 18 - The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. How shall I hunt I this quadruped? cannot tell! Not I! (A picture of how people try [186]And fail to hit that head so high.) I’ll buy a little parachute (A common parachute with wings), I’ll fill it full of arrowroot And other necessary things, - 19 - The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. And I will slay this fearful brute With stones and sticks and guns and slings. [187] (A picture of how people shoot With comfort from a parachute.) - 20 - The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. [188] The Learned Fish This learned Fish has not sufficient brains To go into the water when it rains. [189] The Elephant - 21 - The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. [190]When people call this beast to mind, They marvel more and more At such a - 22 - The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. little tail behind, So LARGE a trunk before. [191] The Big Baboon - 23 - The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. The Big Baboon is found upon [192]The plains of Cariboo: He goes about with nothing on (A shocking thing to do). [193] But if he - 24 - The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. dressed respectably [194]And let his whiskers grow, How like this Big Baboon would be To Mister So-and-so! [195] The Rhinoceros Rhinoceros, your hide looks all undone, You do not take my fancy in the least: - 25 - The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. [196]You have a horn where other brutes have none: Rhinoceros, you are an ugly beast. [197] The Frog [198]Be kind and tender to the Frog, And do not call him names, As ’Slimy skin,’ or ’Polly-wog,’ Or likewise ’Ugly James,’ Or ’Gap-a-grin,’ or ’Toad-gone-wrong,’ - 26 - The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. Or ’Bill Bandy-knees’: The Frog is justly sensitive To epithets like these. [199] No animal will more repay A treatment kind and fair; At least so lonely people say Who keep a frog (and, by the way, They are extremely rare). - 27 - The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts, by H. Belloc. [200] Oh! My! 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